The 7 Stages of Personal Transformation
1. Cry for Help
In the first stage of transformation, we realize that something precious is missing in our life. Although we may not know what that something is, without it, everything seems dull and empty. We lack a deeper meaning in our life.
The days move in the same motion, and although we’ve found a certain level of comfort, deep down, we know that we were born for something else – something better.
The most common questions during this stage are:
Is this all?
Was I born to live like this?
Am I going to continue living in the same way for the rest of my life?
When we begin to ask ourselves deeper questions, we activate a power in our lives that will bring what we’re missing. And so, we step into the second phase.
2. The Initiation
The cry for help has been answered. For each of us, the initiation takes on a different form. My moment of initiation was March 3, 2011. That day my whole life as I knew it fell apart and shattered into pieces.
Before that fateful morning, I kept asking myself whether I was born to grow old with the man by my side whom I spent 6 years with. Whenever I imagined our future, I couldn’t breathe. The heaviness was all over my chest.
That March day, I met a man who I connected with at such a deep level that I couldn’t have grasped for years to come. I realized that I didn’t know the true meaning of love before meeting him. At that moment, I stepped on my twin flame journey.
In the light of unconditional love that has spread all over my chest, I suddenly could see the ways I was restricting myself out of fear. It felt like taking the blinders off for the very first time.
I understood how we base our choices on familiar (and often dysfunctional) patterns. I could see it in myself, my family, and friends. We’ve all got accustomed to living in fears, and we tell ourselves that this is the way our life should be lived.
We should seek goals defined by society even though they don’t work for us, and they lead to stress. As we start our jobs and families, we slowly bury the wild part of us – our courageous self that knows our purpose. The self that would willingly lead us to the life we secretly dream of had we just let it.
But mostly, we listen to our minds. We carefully weigh down the pros and cons, and we change only if we’re forced to. And that’s exactly what the universe is doing; it shakes our lives to make us listen. It touches us at our weakest spot, so our hearts awaken.
During the initiation, you see the world for the first time. Something or someone takes you out of the long slumber, and your heart begins to awaken.
Some people are initiated through illness, the death of a close family member, love, or losing money or job. The universe knocks on our doors in the most touching way that changes the very fiber of our being forever.
3. The Dark Night of the Soul
The initiation is followed by the dark night of the soul. If we were initiated through love, the other person drifts away. If our initiation transcribed through a challenging situation, it gets worse.
During the dark night of the soul, we hit bottom. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It feels unlike anything, we have ever been through.
In this stage, our hidden patterns and conditioning that was imprinted on us by our family and society come to the surface. Our inner fear voice gets louder and stronger. The pain can reach tolerance limits. One more drop, and we collapse.
Often, no one understands the depths of our pain. It’s no surprise that many people lose themselves in the third phase. The more we resist it, the longer it takes.
We need to learn to face our inner demons – our suppressed emotions, the unhealed parts of us, and our beliefs that are no longer serving us. So far, we had been hiding from the shadow part of us, but this time, it’s not going to disappear unless we bring it to light.
Although the dark night of the soul is one of the most painful experiences, in our hearts, something new and sacred begins to unfold. As we face one shadow after another, we create a space for a different way to live. And the voice of our hearts gives us the strength to continue and start our healing journey.
4. The Distant Dawn
The moment we face our inner demons and surrender, we enter the 4th stage. Eventually, we all surrender because we realize that our old ways of thinking can only take us where we’d been before.
In the fourth stage of personal transformation, we need to give up the need to know our next steps.
There is a power greater than us, and when we open our hearts, we allow ourselves to be led. When we surrender, we find inner peace, and we begin to hear our inner guidance. Suddenly, we don’t feel so lost anymore.
During this stage of inner transformation, we’re sometimes flying in the space of potential. But these moments are replaced by falling back into the dark valleys of fear and lack of faith.
I entered this stage sometime after I moved to China for 2 years. After months of praying and doing a lot of inner healing work, I surrendered while sitting in a park one afternoon. Tears were dripping down my face.
I said something along these lines: “I don’t know if you can hear me (my soul, God), but I really don’t know how to continue. I surrender everything. Please, guide me. I don’t care where you take me. I’ll follow you.”
And so it happened. An intense feeling of guidance has entered my world and asked me to change everything. And I followed.
5. Tapping into Purpose
As we surrender, we realize our purpose. Although we still have fears, we no longer give them power over us the same way we used to. (You can watch my TEDx talk on How to Find Your Life Purpose here).
Above all, stepping into our purpose means that we become an active particle in our life. There is no more way back, and we are asked to express who we’re deep within without letting anyone else dictate our lives.
Our higher self asks us to express who we authentically are. Naturally, this leads to another layer of fears to be witnessed and healed. Stepping into a new version of ourselves still feels scary.
What will others think of my new self? Am I strong enough to act on my vision? Will it all work out?
First, we have to adjust to the idea of who we’ve become. We may not share it with anyone yet, and that’s a good choice because every seed needs fertile soil to grow.
6. Balance and Foundations
After the hard work, it’s time for some rest before you emerge to a new level. Now we need to align our feelings and thoughts with our actions and find equilibrium.
During this phase of the transformation journey, our inner guidance usually becomes weaker. This way, the universe gives us space to act on what we’ve learned so far and built the firm new foundations.
It’s like putting pieces of the puzzle in the right place; we place everything where it belongs. Consequently, some people may have to leave our lives while others come.
Often we transition to a new career or start our own business. We may move to a new place where we belong. I’ve also seen people meeting their soulmates during the sixth stage because now their love can flourish more than ever before. We build our new life around our purpose, and it becomes an extension of our truest self.
7. Inner Power
During the last stage, we take responsibility for the impact of our thoughts and decisions on ourselves and others. Finally, we understand that we create our reality from the power that is serene, deep, loving, and aligned with the higher plan of the universe.
When we stand in our power, we catch ourselves before we go into an argument or want to react out of an old pattern.
Metaphorically we sit on the throne of our kingdom. At last, we rule our world and understand that our inner power comes from the spirit (higher self, God), and we have it for a reason – to create a better world for us and others.