I bet that there have been times when you were listening to what someone was saying and got upset. Perhaps, you disagreed. Maybe, you wanted to show that you had another point of view.
In nowadays fast-moving society, it can be challenging to stay present and listen. Often, when we listen, we already start forming the answer in our heads after the first couple of sentences.
Then, the conversation isn’t about us listening but about proving own ideas and preaching to the other person.
Do you know how to listen?
Unfortunately, in many cases, we treat relationships as ways to show what we think instead of being there genuinely for the other person. This is ego. It is about proving that we’re better, smarter, and of course, right. It has nothing to do with being present and truly listen to what the other says.
I have noticed that most of the people only need our ear. They need someone to sit, be quiet, and listen to them. No more. No less.
When someone confides in you, please, try to stay present without adding anything. True listening is healing for them and also for you.
Listening with your heart in romantic relationships
In a romantic relationship, the mastery of true listening is crucial. We seek intimacy with the other person. We want them to be there for us. Just so. Without any hidden agenda.
When your lover tells you something intimate, please, don’t judge and don’t add something like: “Oh, I used to do the same. Or, I did it this way. Or, why did you do that?’’ All of these sentences aren’t necessary, and they kill the closeness that you have.
When your other half shares something that concerns you, instead of going into judgment, think that it is an interesting point of view. Whatever your lover says is about them. It’s not about you. You don’t need to give an approval, fix, or change anyone.
Anytime you add judgment to what someone else says; you make it about yourself.
By judging, you show that you aren’t healed inside, and you want to take control over the conversation and throw your inner pain onto them. I know it sounds harsh, but judging someone, is an immature behavior indeed. Thus, it reveals more about you than about the one you judge.
Instead, stay present and observe. Has your lover used to drink? Ok, that’s interesting, and you don’t need to fix them. Treat it as a piece of information. It’s about your lover. Only. Listen genuinely to their words and don’t add anything.
True listening creates intimacy, trust, and deepens the relationships. On the contrary, any judgment creates a gap between you two. Are you a saint who knows what is and what isn’t right or wrong? No one of us is. So take off the judgment baggage and accept what others share as interesting information.
Each time, we incline to judge what the other person says, it’s because it pushes our buttons. We haven’t healed the same issue what the person has. Projecting our issues on them creates the gap. And if you aren’t both conscious enough, this harms your relationship.
I know that mastering the art of listening with your heart takes time and it’s not always possible. But if you want to create an intimate relationship with someone you love then consider it. You can train to catch yourself when you want to judge what they say and choose not to say it.