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rules in a healthy relationship

The 9 Self-Love Rules In A Healthy Relationship

Sometimes we may forget to love ourselves when we’re in a committed relationship. It can be seductive to think that when we met our other half, we can stop working on ourselves while the opposite is true.


The quality of relationship correlates with the relationship you have with yourself.


When we’re in a relationship, we still need to maintain a loving relationship with ourselves because this is the stepping stone to an equal partnership.

The line between self-love and dependency can be sometimes blurred. When we’re too close to someone, we may not recognize that we act disrespectfully toward ourselves. Thus I share with you 9 signs that tell you that you maintain the healthy balance between you and your partner.

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9 Self-Love Rules In A Healthy Relationship


1. Be there for yourself

You know how much you love yourself when you’re there for yourself. No matter what. You support your dreams, stay focused on your priorities, and you also forgive yourself for making the wrong decision.

After all, life is but a lesson. If your other half doesn’t believe in your dreams (and you want to stay with them despite this), then it doesn’t throw you off the track.


You know that life is short and that you’re on a mission to become the best version of yourself. 


Thus no one can stop you. You give yourself all the support and time you possibly need to pursue your dreams.


2. Stay balanced

Finding inner balance is one of the most liberating things in life. It comes with age or a healthy detachment from life situations.


Staying balanced means that you don’t start drifting in your life based on what your partner wants.


You can be in the middle of an argument, yet you recognize that it’s just a temporary situation and that you both might have blinders on. You stay calm and don’t let the quarrel settle in your heart.


3. You’re open-minded and flexible

When you love yourself, you’re always on a track of self-development and inner growth. Sometimes this means leaving someone who is continually hurting you or you outgrow them. You know that you don’t need to stay in a relationship out of obligation or fear.

Hence you don’t put blinders on to support what you want to see, but you have eyes wide open and see through illusions.


4. You steadily grow into your potential

A person who loves themselves knows that they were born to make amazing things happen.


A fulfilling life can’t be found on a surface.


Thus you’re committed to knowing your true self, and as a result of it, you grow into your potential. It doesn’t matter whether your partner is on the same page as you because you believe in a deeper meaning of life and thus nothing can stop you.


5. You’re whole

Since you’re 100%, you don’t need anyone to fulfill you. Your partner is just a cherry on the top, but you don’t need them. Although you love to share your life and yourself with them, you know that you feel great by yourself too.

Thus you enjoy moments when you’re recharging the batteries or going on the trips alone. Just as it’s essential to have common hobbies, you realize that it’s also vital to devote some time to your craft.


6. You have integrity

The integrity comes from respecting your core values and having a sense of honesty. There is no one for whom you’d divert from what you firmly believe in. Even if your partner has different perspectives on specific subjects, you speak and act in alignment with your conscience.


A self-loving person doesn’t try to buy someone’s love by bending their inner values.


7. You do what’s best for you

Although you’re in a committed relationship and you work as a team, sometimes you need to decide whether you do what’s best for you or you sabotage your happiness.

Admittedly, there might not be many such situations, but if they come, you know that you need to allow yourself to do what is in alignment with your heart and soul.

Maybe your partner wants you to move to another country or stay in a job that you don’t like. But you remember that your inner growth is a priority so at the end of the day you do what works for you.


8. There is no codependency 

Codependency doesn’t belong in your life because the same way you respect yourself, you also treat others.

Your philosophy is that you trust your partner and if they undermine your trust then you’ll do what your heart asks you to do. But otherwise you give them complete freedom, and thus you’re also free to do what you want.

Another face of codependency is making them your external source of validation. But you recognize the fact that everything you need is within you. Hence you don’t need to change to deserve their love.


9. You don’t stay in an abusive relationship

An abusive relationship can take different forms. Sometimes it’s apparent, as in a case of home violence, but other times it might not be so easy to tell.

As a self-loving person, you’re cautious about the subtler forms of mental and emotional abuse. You can see when your partner controls or manipulates you and you put a definite stop sign on such behavior.

Previously published by Thought Catalog at


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