A Pattern of Self-Rejection
As a child, you feel deep down that you’re a miracle, a beautiful and innocent divine being. But if your caregivers don’t treat you like that miracle (or it feels like they don’t), you develop a pattern of self-rejection. Later, we project the wound of rejection on the relationship with our life purpose and everything else. When you reject yourself, you tell yourself all kinds of lies. You tell yourself that you don’t have time for what truly matters. And that other people don’t understand you, so why bother letting them in? You keep your heart guarded under heavy locks and change relationships quickly or choose to be alone for a long time.
If you gave your best and showed how much you actually cared and were rejected, it feels like you wouldn’t survive. Therefore you don’t let yourself come anywhere near your true potential. It’s safer to watch your life from a distance, never being fully involved in it.
The pattern of self-rejection may show as:
- being late
- using the necessary minimum of your potential
- showing up from only a fraction of your capabilities
- expecting things won’t work out anyway
- you never give your best
- you don’t give yourself a chance to truly succeed
- showing up unprepared
- creating unnecessary conflicts or drama, so you feel exhausted from what truly matters
- give things your 30% but never your best
Stop Rejecting Yourself
To heal the wound of rejection, we must stop rejecting ourselves. This means we stop rejecting our gifts, talents, skills, and inner genius. It takes honestly admitting what you truly need and want from life. You accept yourself as who you truly are and stand up for it even if others reject you. When we risk that people don’t understand us, we set ourselves free and can finally create the life we’re meant to have. Maybe you admit that you don’t want to live alone in your cave. Perhaps you admit to yourself that you actually do want to write that book, try a new hobby, or change your life altogether.
The I Don’t Care Persona
Because you feel the ultimate rejection of your true essence, you develop a persona of I don’t care. You convince yourself that something you deeply care about doesn’t matter. You don’t commit to relationships, you don’t start that business, and you don’t travel because what if you tried and you failed?
Thus you keep alive the hope that something might happen in the future. Once you’re ready. Once, it’ll feel easier when you finally mature and become stronger. It’s safer to push people away. It’s safer never to do your best.
Likewise, you might also convince yourself that you’re too spiritual for others. Your partner and friends don’t get you. They evolve too slowly. Actually, they block your spiritual growth; you need to cut them off. It seems spiritual, but this whole time, you dance to the whim of the ego, and the wounding of rejection drives your action.
You develop many illusions not to show how vulnerable you are and how much you actually care. Because if you showed others your true essence and were rejected, it equals death.
The I don’t care persona also shows in relationships. You assume that people will eventually reject you, so you seclude yourself and tell yourself it’s okay to be a lone wolf. It feels like others don’t get you and that you’re different, so you aren’t yourself with them, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You assume other people will reject you just like your family or childhood friends did. For instance, you show up at a family reunion and assume they don’t get you, so you don’t really share anything. You don’t ask others questions. And the whole happening feels like suffering; you’re counting the minutes until you can leave. But what if it was a different experience if you were there as your soul, not your wounding?
Similarly, the wound of rejection makes us assume the world is hostile. Thus we project this wound onto our life calling because if we did live our highest calling, people would judge us. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter that you haven’t acted on that long-held dream yet. There were other more important things. But what if you didn’t act because you were afraid to fail, and failing would equal being rejected?
It’s Okay to Care; Caring Makes You Divine
The wound of rejection created a heavy armor around you. It made you believe that you don’t care because, deep down, you’re used to rejection. You know how it feels to be an outsider, get hurt, and fail. If you don’t care, it doesn’t hurt much when someone rejects you. But likely, there are some things you do care about, like living your dreams or creating meaningful relationships. Therefore the wound of rejection begins to heal when you are honest about how much you care.
Caring deeply means that you want to see the results of your actions. It means that your heart is open and you love. You want to see growth and deepen the places and relationships that you bring your heart into.
When you’re afraid of rejection, you continue rejecting your dreams. Because something made you believe that your dreams and your essence aren’t worthy.
By expecting others will reject you, you don’t allow yourself to receive love from others. And you don’t let yourself receive the goodness and transformation from your purpose. Unintentionally, you put limits on your capacity to receive so you can manage and control everything to avoid getting hurt.
You already receive at the moment you act from your heart and soul and go fully in. Receiving doesn’t have to happen through other people.
I’ll Do It Just Because I Have To
The wound of rejection freezes us in the teenage energy of rebellion and anger. Thus we may show up but do it half-heartedly and only because we have to do it. The inner rebel doesn’t let us enjoy the process, so the whole thing feels like suffering. For lightworkers, this may show as a feeling that you “have to” share your light wherever you go. And you must save the world; it all feels like a chore. The joy has left.
And we never give our 100% to what we do. We only put in the minimum energy to make it as little enjoyable as possible. That way, you reject yourself. You reject the full fulfillment of your dreams because you don’t let yourself embody your vision. Because what if it didn’t work out and it’d confirm that you’re not worthy?
Do you sabotage your relationship because you’re afraid to be rejected?
How would you show up for your life purpose if you were not afraid of rejection?
Do you keep backdoors open just in case something doesn’t work out?
What are you rejecting yourself to be, have, create, and receive?
Healing the Rejection Wound
I recommend inner child work and mindset work to heal the wound of rejection. But it may create a huge shift if you begin by admitting to yourself what you care about. And please, be honest. You don’t have to share your answer with anyone. In the privacy of your heart, what do you deeply care about?
What would you like to create and experience if you weren’t rejected?
What matters to you? And what are the things you want to see results in?
What kind of relationship do you want to have?
Admit what you want, what you need, and what you desire. Look at the places you don’t accept yourself. By accepting all of you with the good and bad, there is nothing to hide from others and yourself. This allows you to give your 100% to something. When you do your best, you do what you must do, and it doesn’t matter what other people think anymore. You do it for yourself. And you do it to the best of your abilities, so even if you fail, it’s okay. Even if someone criticizes you, know you did your best, so what else could you do?
When you learn to hold yourself through challenges and the creation of your dreams, you build inner certainty. And you know it will be okay if someone rejects you. Most importantly, you stop rejecting yourself.