When someone leaves you unexpectedly, it may hurt, and you may wonder what you have done wrong. The fear-based part of the mind likes to make us feel guilty for everything that goes wrong. But what if it is not your fault when someone leaves you?
What if it is okay that they left you?
Why is it difficult to let go of people?
Many people are wired to receive love and approval from others. When others are happy, they’re happy too. Especially empaths derive their sense of confidence from others, so they try to make sure that everyone around feels good.
When someone leaves you, it feels like you failed.
If your sense of self depends on others being happy then when they leave, the mind explains it as a failure. For if they loved you, they had stayed. But not always it is about you. Mostly it’s not. When you let go of the idea that you can keep others happy and part of your life forever, you free yourself to be who you are.
The pursuit of receiving love from others builds unequal relationships.
When you put someone on a pedestal, they must leave.
The universe doesn’t like special cases; it’s the ego that loves it. When you are dependent on someone’s approval or love, you create inequality between you two. However, from the perspective of universal consciousness, we’re equal. Thus the ego violates this fundamental law of life. As a result, the person you raised above yourself must leave.
Another reason why it’s difficult to let go of people who leave us is that we haven’t yet learned the lesson. Each relationship is a divine assignment that teaches us about ourselves and life.
Every person is your teacher.
When you miss the lesson, the mind can’t stop thinking about that person. The purpose is not to torture you, but to help you understand what the person was supposed to pass on you. As you may know, when you still don’t understand the lesson, the universe sends you another person with the same message for you.
When someone leaves you, it’s okay
Learn to be ready for things not working out the way you wish. People will leave and criticize you and challenges will appear. When we don’t want to accept it, we fight reality and create even more struggles.
You don’t know how often I meet people who don’t do what they want because they fear that someone will leave them. In fact, I used to be the same. For a long time, I wouldn’t fight for my dreams or even speak about them because I feared that my friends and family wouldn’t approve the new (true) me.
I held myself back and tried to fit in. And guess what? It reached the point when I couldn’t continue any longer and stopped caring about other people’s approval. Yes, many people did leave my life but it did not hurt, on the contrary, I felt liberated to follow my path. Since then my circle of friends has been changing, and it’ll continue because I’m continually evolving.
Don’t stop evolving because of others.
If you want to grow into your highest potential then be ready to lose people’s love and approval. Be ready to be different and stand out. Be ready to say goodbye to people you once were best friends with. It’s inevitable as long as you keep growing.
If you’re serious about your life and your inner growth then learn to be okay with discomfort. Instead of trying to keep everyone happy, think about how you react when they’re not. Will you allow it to affect you? Will it shake your balance?
I know that many people don’t stand up for themselves out of fear of losing someone’s approval. And although I understand you, I think it’s a shame. Life is short; you should live to the best of your abilities. The right people will always come and stay. While those who were just fellow travelers for some time fulfilled their mission and so they left.
Set up own rules
When someone leaves you, what do you do? Do you go into the guilt mode and can’t let it out of your mind? Or do you learn from it?
Having an agreement with yourself about what to do when someone leaves you is beneficial. It’ll help you to move on faster and grow from your relationship. You can get inspired by what I do, but feel free to come up with what works for you.
1. Come or leave
In my workshops, I often repeat that people have doors open in my life both directions. They may come in and leave. Naturally, I’m selective about who to let in, but when we click, I welcome them. When they want to leave, I’m happy too.
There is no point in keeping anyone in your life. It applies to romantic relationships as well as friendships. When someone wants to move on, it means that your soul’s contract is fulfilled for that moment and there is nothing else to discuss.
I also leave people’s lives when I feel there is no more resonance between us and it doesn’t mean that I have something against those people. On the contrary, I respect their and my time, and when it’s over, I give us the gift of being free to meet people who are on the same vibe.
2. Bless them
The first thing I do is to bless people who leave. Well, I bless them also while they stay but blessing someone who leaves clear out resentment and so it’s important.
It’s essential to learn to let go of people in peace and love.
If you hold on anger or any negative energy, including guilt, it’ll create some disturbance in your own life. When you bless someone, you remind yourself of the truth that you’re connected even though you’re not in contact. You acknowledge the divinity in them and you.
3. Let go of resentment
Blessing others doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions. It means connecting to something greater than our limited human perception. However, it’s also crucial that you move through your emotions.
Being in the space of acceptance instead of resentment is important.
Feeling resentment is okay. However, it doesn’t mean that your emotions are you and that they define you. There are many techniques for letting go of suppressed emotions. Continue moving through the layers of emotions until you feel neutral about the whole situation.
4. Learn the lesson
Once you’ve processed negative emotions, then you’re ready to understand the lesson of your relationship. I suggest spending some time on this because if you don’t learn the lesson now, it’ll come to you in a different form.
Sometimes, the lesson becomes apparent when we let go of disruptive emotions. However, it may also happen that the lesson comes much later. As long as you’re willing to accept the truth about your mutual divine assignment, it’ll come.
Remember that when someone leaves you, your contract is up. It’s never accidental.