It’s that time of the year again. I spent my last birthday at Java in Indonesia in a beautiful sanctuary in the vicinity of Borobudur which is a breath-taking Buddhist temple from the 9th century.
This year, as I’m typing these words, I sit in a spacious wooden cabin in the middle of the forest in Finnish Lapland. From the living room, I gaze at the trees and sunbeams penetrating through the windowpane. It’s peaceful here, and it’s also the best gift I can receive.
I have a ritual each year to spend my birthday in a new place which is surrounded by nature. So I can meditate outside and soak in the wisdom of the place. I believe that on the day of our birthday, we can tap into the energy and lessons of our whole lifetime. When we sit quietly, we have an opportunity to embody the wisdom of the previous years. Thus, I don’t throw parties for my birthday. Or really, any other day 🙂
Thus I’d like to inspire you to reconnect with yourself on the magical day of your birthday.
I enjoy aging; it offers the gift of wisdom and experiences which are both invaluable. Last year, I wrote an article about 29 lessons I learned in 29 years. I didn’t reread them, so I don’t get influenced and repeat what I wrote previously.
Because each year shifts and forms the way we think, and in one year we become a new better version of ourselves. The last year was full of new experiences, every day I grew deeper into my soul. (Yes, I believe that we become more of our soul until one day we can embody it entirely.)
The 30 Lessons I learned in 30 years
1. When you’re busy, slow down
Slowing down when we feel busy may sound counterintuitive at first. Our mind wants us to believe that if we don’t keep moving, the whole world will collapse. Well, it will not.
The feeling of stress and being busy is a condition of mind. We bend the perception of time and space and speed it up with the inner anxiety. The more we invest in believing that there isn’t enough time, the faster the time flies.
On the contrary, when we slow down and refuse to be a victim of time, we create more of it.
2. The biggest magic happens when I am
The mind tries to keep us busy with thinking, analyzing, rationalizing, and planning. How many people are constantly in their minds?!
While all the magic happens when we simply are. It’s not a coincidence that we receive inner guidance and moments of sudden realization when we let things go and enjoy a walk in a forest.
We’re multilayered beings. Our mind is one of the layers, but it’s not who we’re. We’re so much more. Even better, we can tap into it when we lay down on grass, gaze the stars, breathe in the fresh air, enjoy a hot bath, or go running.
Creating the “Me time” on a daily basis is what keeps the inspiration and intuition flowing in. The higher realms can reach us when we create space for them.
3. I can’t help anyone by lowering my vibrations
As an empath, I used to feel into others so much that I lowered my vibration to comprehend their problems. It felt natural, and we’ve all heard that we should be there for others, always helpful and kind.
Although I believe that we should be here for others (after all, that’s at the heart of my life coaching practice! ), I learned the hard way that when I lower my vibrations, I can’t save anyone.
It’s the same as you’d see someone drowning, you jump to the water to save them, but in that shock, you forget that you can’t swim, and then you both drown. It’s a bit extreme example, but this is what we do when we lower our vibration to help someone.
You don’t need to lower your vibration and still, you can feel compassion and understanding for others.
On the contrary, when you maintain a strong vibe, you can help others to rise from their issues.
And then there is the other group of people who don’t want you to overshine them. So you don’t, as a good empath does. But deep within it slowly kills you because you know who you’re and you desperately want to express it, but you feel like you can’t. Like you wouldn’t be accepted.
Well, here is the thing. It’s not worth to sacrifice the life force that the Creator endowed you with for someone to feel better.
For one second because that’s probably how long they’ll be happy. If you have toxic people who aren’t happy for your success and happiness, get rid of them. It’s the only thing; you can do about them.
4. There will always be demanding people. Don’t let it shake your boat.
Some people believe that others were born to serve them. These people are also called energy vampires, and a big part of them sucks the energy out of others on purpose. They’ll ask for your attention, love, money, help, and you keep giving, but they still ask for some more because deep within they have an endless void that can’t be filled.
As sovereign souls, there shouldn’t be anyone exposing their power and demands on us unless we agree to it.
It’s only you who decide what kind of people is in your environment and what they can demand from you. You don’t need to play their little game for power because you can say it’s been enough and leave.
5. Give absolute freedom in relationships
In all relationships should be absolute freedom. We don’t own anyone, and we can’t control anyone. It’s only the mind that believes that it can control someone and make them love you or stay.
Relationships are sacred assignments between two sovereign souls.
I believe that it should be approached that way. On the other hand, you can’t expect freedom from your partner if you don’t give it to them. When there is mutual freedom in relationships, they flourish and expand on their own. We don’t suffocate them with our insecurities.
6. Life is short, don’t waste a second of it
We tend to ignore the fact that we all die. It may be sooner than we think. The people in our lives will die too.
The life flies in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I like to think about different historical periods and imagine how people thought that their time was the most modern so far and that they have a life ahead. Now, they all turned to the dust with no exception.
Just like our ancestors would think that they had an unlimited amount of time to write a book, fight for their love, play more with their children, contribute to the peace on the planet, it’s all gone now. And at some point, it’ll be gone for us as well.
I know that death is the topic many people like to ignore, but it provides us with a healthy perspective. I don’t take things for granted because they’re in constant motion.
I also believe that we should find and follow our life calling because one day there might not be time left.
I know that many people assume that once they figure out their life purpose, everything falls into the right place. They fantasize that everything will be served on a silver platter. No, it won’t. You need to grow into your life purpose. You can operate form 10% of your life purpose, or you embody it completely. It requires your commitment, and yes a hard work too.
7. There are no gurus
No one knows what the best for you than yourself is. No matter what advice others give you, it’s you who have to live with that decision. It’s only you who know your secret dreams and the hopes your carry in your heart, but you fear to express them.
So-called gurus can only help you, offer you their hand (if they don’t want you to worship them if so run away FAST!) for a period. They can help you move faster through your challenges and help you see a greater perspective of your life.
But ultimately, you have to find your own way, and if there is no way, you create one.
I find it beneficial to consider gurus as helpers for a specific period of time, but don’t make your happiness and life dependent on them or anyone else. It’s only in your hands.
8. Anything is possible if you commit to it
I want to clarify something. First, you have the grand visions that make your heart beat faster FOR A REASON. And that reason is to ACT ON THEM. It’s the guidance from the soul who shows you the way to your highest potential.
What do you do with these visions?
Do you ignore them?
Do you let the fear take the lead?
If so then don’t complain about your life because you just threw a golden ticket to a trash bin. But if you decide to act on your beautiful visions, then you have the power to execute them.
When you want something bad enough, and you burn all the other bridges to safety, it’ll be yours.
By committing to your heart’s desires, you display the maturity of your being. You’re brave to state that; this is all I want, and I believe it from the bottom of my heart, so it shall be. Because I’ll give it all, I have. This is the inner power that comes from the soul and can move mountains.
9. Every person is my teacher
Some teachers train us through pain while others through love. Yet they all have the same value for our inner growth.
Every person mirrors some aspects of you so that you can see them and you can either change or embody them. Depending on whether you like the reflection you see.
It’s good to observe what kinds of feelings other people invoke in us because these are the lessons we need to understand.
10. Some people teach us to leave and say no
Sometimes the lessons that other teach us is to value and honor ourselves by leaving them. Despite to what I used to believe a decade ago, we don’t need to stay in relationships that aren’t the right for us.
By staying longer, we don’t make them work better. In particular, in romantic relationships, it shouldn’t be about struggle and endless arguments. It should feel natural and effortless.
We may misinterpret the lessons about our worth because we’re afraid to be the bad ones by saying no and leaving. However, inside we can hear the whispers of our heart that urge is to leave.
11. It’s me who determines my worth
How easily do we place our sense of worth into someone’s hands? We want them to love us and thus we may sell ourselves cheaper by disrespecting our inner boundaries.
I was guilty of this so often. I’d go against my intuition and excuse behavior of someone or kept replying to the text of a friend who was using me, but I thought that couldn’t have simply said no.
We never find our self-worth in someone else’s hands. It’s you who has to determine your worth.
We let our employers set the price for our abilities and time. We allow our family to determine whether we’re worth pursuing our dreams. We let the always-indecisive-person to decide whether we’re worthy of their love. I don’t even talk about the media massage, that we receive daily!
Determine what is your worth and remember that it’s not dependent on the amount of money you have in your account or the size of your dress or whether you’re there for your forever-demanding friend.
No, it’s about how YOU feel inside without all the ego stories about your inadequacy. Don’t ever forget that you’re a powerful creator and dazzling soul when you state our worth.
12. Keep your heart open. No matter what.
Keeping your heart open is the most vulnerable and most influential decision you ever make.
Don’t let anyone and anything to make your heart shut down. It’s NOT worth it! Only you suffer by that choice.
I’ve been hurt just about hundreds of times by ex-partners, family, and friends. Their hurtful actions and words could have had offered me an excuse for the rest of my life to stay cautious and put walls around my heart.
And I did for a couple of years when I hit bottom in 2011. But then I realized that by closing my heart, I deprive myself of inner joy and happiness that can be found at ANY moment.
Yes, others can do you wrong, but they can never ever make you shut down your heart. EVER. Keep it wide open because it’s the direct link to everything you seek.
It doesn’t mean that you give your heart to anyone who is around. No, you keep it in your chest where it belongs and let it shine brightly as a diamond. Then you realize that others aren’t the source of love, happiness, or anything that you seek, it’s your courageous act to keep your heart open. No matter what.
13. Self-love is about complete acceptance of myself
Self-acceptance gives you wings and a fresh new start to life. It’s about acceptance of everything that has (not) happened and every choice you made.
When you accept your past, you also find acceptance for yourself. Eventually, it’s our inability to make peace with the past that keeps us stuck and living in self-denial. When you look at your past as experience that made you grow and acknowledge the fact that many more are to come, you also release the other people from your story.
You give them and yourself the freedom to let go and take with you the lessons learned. It’s alright to make mistakes, but when you don’t admit them to yourself, you never find acceptance of who you’re. Own your story regardless of how joyful or not it is.
When you truly accept yourself, there is no more reason left why you couldn’t love yourself.
14. There is always enough love if WE give it
Sometimes our ego makes us feel disconnected from each other so that we stop seeing the love all around us. This ego trick feels dangerously real, but it’s nothing but an illusion.
I learned that there is an unlimited amount of love when I freely emit it to my surroundings. I feel love regardless if someone else is there or I’m by myself.
Once again, it’s not about others. It’s about ourselves.
When you feel love, you also feel self-love because you enter the boundless source of all life – love. Then you realize that it has always been there, you only lacked to recognize it.
When you feel love, you become love. This is the key to life. Please reread it because it can change your life.
15. Traveling is food for the soul
I don’t say that everyone has to travel to exotic destinations. But when we visit a new environment, our learned mental pathways get disconnected, and we can see the world for what it really is.
The unknown space around us offers space for our minds.
Therefore, I cherish the inner call to travel to unknown lands. I could have been as well a travel blogger with the number of places I visited and lived in.
If you can’t afford to travel far, it’s enough to explore new places near to your hometown. Often we don’t visit beautiful sites that are right next to us. It’s not so much about the destination (unless you feel called to travel to a particular place), but it’s more about meeting the new and unknown.
16. The most cherished moments are when I connect with my soul
I speak about the soul all the time because for me it’s my closest companion in life. The soul (also called the higher-self) is a non-physical aspect of us that guides us on our journey through life so that we can gather valuable lessons.
You may wonder why do we need to learn lessons if we’re infinite beings. And I think it’s an excellent question to ask! It’s about the embodiment. You may understand the concept of truth mentally, but it’s an entirely different game when you’re embodying truth in every choice.
Then you may found out that it’s not always so simple because how do you know if you lie to yourself? How can you judge anything with certainty when all you can see is a small grain of sand?
Many years ago, I was building a bridge to reach my soul. From the fleeting moments of connection, longer junctures occurred, and then gradually I learn to feel my soul all-of-the-time.
It’s possible for you too if you choose it.
17. I have to embody each lesson (aka walk your talk)
During the last decade of my life, I understood that it wasn’t enough to read spiritual books and nod my head in approval. Obviously, keeping the information only at the mind level didn’t bring me the happiness and inner peace I was seeking for.
Let me repeat myself; it’s not difficult to comprehend theoretical concepts but to truly OWN them in each cell of your body and live accordingly, you need to embody these lessons.
Each time, you embody another aspect of life (like speaking your truth or check your innermost feelings constantly), you open a vast universe of opportunities for your growth.
It’s not uncommon that some people come to me saying that they know all of it, but can you know it if you don’t live accordingly? I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you don’t know what it truly means if your choices don’t reflect it.
18. All is love – the sacred universal law
“All is love” is what every ascended master came here to teach us. The essence of life is that simple, yet we still don’t get it.
Love is the universal vibration that penetrates all of the existence.
Whenever we turn away from love, we experience suffering. It’s inevitable because at that moment we’re in denial about who we are. We belittle ourselves in the name of fear and create hologram around us that make us believe that life is a struggle.
However, when we tune back to the vibration of love, it’s like everything clicks to the right place. We become magnetic attractors to what we want to experience.
19. My decisions in each second matter
The way we approach the smallest things is the way we approach everything.
It’s seductive to believe that it doesn’t matter how we wash dishes for instance. After all, it doesn’t seem to be a big deal, and we may perform the task mindlessly and perhaps even in an annoyed manner.
However, there is a similarity in the way we wash dishes and the way we live our lives.
Perhaps we also allow ourselves to be mindless at times and assume that it doesn’t impact anything. Let me tell you that it does. Each decision puts you on a faster or slower track of inner growth, and it opens up or closes the sequence of unexpected events.
20. The energy vampires don’t want help; they want your energy
As a person who believes in the potential of others, sometimes I’d fall victim to the thinking that energy vampires are this way because of past trauma and they can be healed. Now I think that they don’t want to change, they’ve never wanted. All they need is more energy and attention from us.
Energy vampires can go a distance to hook you into believing that they mean right to you and they’ll change.
Many of them may be very charming and sparkling, as long as, you give them the energy supply. But if some surround you, it’s time to leave with no regrets.
21. The strongest presence isn’t the loudest one
Some people may be social and highly outgoing, they may use words as the way to compete with others. Yet it’s the vibration that speaks louder than words.
Let me give you a recurring example in my life. From time to time, I meet a so-called spiritual person, and they ask me about my past lives, supernatural abilities, or out-of-this-world experience. I don’t share these things with others because I don’t think they matter.
But then these people start telling me about who they were in past life and how great gifts they have. Although I don’t question that, I don’t consider showing off an act of spiritual maturity.
The strongest presence can be felt, not found in the spotlight. It prevails in the peaceful kingdom of our hearts.
22. It’s possible to feel God
I know that each of us has a different perspective on what (who) the God is. Some people even fight for the right label. We may use thousands of words, and they all fail us because that which is indescribable cannot be described. We can only attempt it.
Nevertheless, we may feel the presence of God.
We can expand our awareness and open our hearts so that we feel the omniscient presence that beats through each pulse of our heart and runs in our veins.
We may glimpse God’s perfection in nature or recognize it in the eyes of a beloved one. God is within us all the time, but when we live in our minds, we aren’t able to feel that loving presence.
23. Freedom and trust are the greatest gifts in relationships
I look at relationships as the sacred space we choose to share with others. It’s about two equal souls coming together and sharing part of their life path alongside.
Gifting someone with freedom and trust is the biggest present you can offer.
While doing it, you acknowledge that you honor their life path and that only they’re responsible for the choice they make. This mindset creates magic in relationships because others will start to mirror you their best selves.
24. Reaching the higher realms of consciousness
As I mentioned earlier, we’re here to embody our soul. First, we have to embody one aspect of the soul after another so that eventually one day, and it may not be in this life, we fully integrate our higher self.
As we walk this journey of the embodiment, we reach higher realms of consciousness.
The higher we go, the more dots start connecting and the more we see how much more space there is to grow into. You don’t need to worry about perfection, look past that; there is endless space to grow into, until one day, we reunite with God.
25. Creating a fulfilling romantic relationship is possible
Creating a fulfilling relationship always begins with you. In fact, it’s directly related to the level of inner work and the self-honesty.
The first thing to keep in mind is that there is no one to blame.
Remember that we actively participate in each of our decisions. We don’t get to a miserable point in life overnight. It’s always a reflection of our past choices.
If you’ve experienced a painful relationship, the most beneficial thing is to spend some time alone and heal. Thus you don’t attract another person with the same vibration as the previous partner.
After you do some healing, you’re ready to attract an adult and responsible person who shares the same values as you do and you lay a healthy foundation for your love. From there on, it’s about continuing to take responsibility for your patterns, moods, choices, and words.
26. Self-discovery and inner healing is the way
We all have inner wounds. Some people live in denial of it while others embark on an inner healing journey.
Just as it took many years of conditioning and challenges to create fear-based patterns in your mind, so it does take time to heal them and return them to love.
Yet self-discovery and inner healing are the best done in the vibe of love.
When you accept your past, you can be honest about what happened and keep on healing with a loving heart toward yourself and others who were included in co-creating your wounds.
27. You can’t be happy thoroughly if you don’t know who you’re
Finding yourself is the stepping stone to conscious living. I lived in self-denial before I began finding myself in China in 2012. After the dark night of my soul, I dived deeper into myself and was peeling off the layers of conditioning.
To my surprise, I realized how much fears were ruling my life back then. It’s challenging to see that we don’t know our true self when we live in the fear-town. But how could we when the ego takes over our thinking, and we invest in illusions?
28. Go where the heart leads you
Our heart is the best GPS for life. It effortlessly guides us to the greatest opportunities. When we stay tuned in our heart, we can’t go wrong.
Naturally, the guidance of the heart conflicts with the reasoning of our mind. However, I believe that when you didn’t follow your intuition and feelings, you made a not-so-pleasant turnoff.
We waste so much time by fighting what we already know deep within. How life becomes easier when we give ourselves the approval to follow the wisdom of the heart!
29. Our intentions and the level of our maturity is tested
As we internally grow, we’ll be tested along the way. Some of the hardships are the resistance we created and a result of out-of-balance patterns of thoughts, while others are tests from the universe.
Every time we reach the border of our comfort zone, the biofield tests us to determine whether we’re ready for the next level. It examines how well we’ve comprehended the lessons and if we’ve grown spiritually (integrated the wisdom).
Similarly, if we get fearful of these tests and step back, we show that we’re not prepared for another level of learning.
30. Your life is between you and your soul
This is the most profound lessons I learned. The relationship with our soul is imperative.
We shouldn’t bend our inner guidance in order to please someone else.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about your life and the way you should lead it as long as you act in alignment with your soul. Naturally, it takes commitment and practice to create such a relationship with the soul, but anyone can do it.
Others can offer you advice, but then you need to filter it through your own system to see whether it resonates with you. That which is between you and your soul is sacred and should be approached like that.