There is nothing more healing and liberating than sharing your own story with others. When you own your story, you open up yourself to receiving inner healing and at the same time you also inspire others.
At my workshops, I often say that if we’d be vulnerable and honest with each other, there wouldn’t be problems in personal relationships. After years of coaching people, I have noticed that most people are afraid that what they’ve experienced is something shameful and they feel alone in it.
My clients tell me that what has happened in their lives is something they should hide from others. They say that it’s a special case and others would judge them for it. But I can tell you that every single person has experienced something that makes them feel like that.
The feeling of being separated from each other is nothing but an illusion.
If you could see into people’s hearts and minds the way I have the opportunity to do, you’d understand that there is nothing special and shameful. We’re all in this human thing together, and thus we’ve been through the exact experiences we needed to learn our lessons.
Everything is just a lesson and when you share your lessons with others you both begin to heal.
When we share our stories and experiences with one another, we become closer, and the wall of separation melts down. If we’d be more honest with each other about the way we feel, then there would be far less judgment because we could see that at our core we’re very similar.
But what if I don’t have a story to share?
There is a myth that your story must be something special and result in a complete putsch in your life. This isn’t true. The beauty of your story is that it’s unique to you. This means that whatever you’ve experienced can serve as inspiration and healing for others.
It doesn’t need to include some big transformation, although it may. You can impact others by simply sharing your feelings regarding something from your past. Or you can experience a deep inner transformation and insights just so – without having some traumatic triggers.
I haven’t met a person who wouldn’t have a story to share. My grandmother (who died in 2014) had a seemingly “ordinary” life, but nothing was ordinary about the way she did things. She could have done a basic thing like cooking a meal, but she would infuse it with magic and love. The way she would do things had taught me a lot about life.
Your story can be as simple as that you love gardening and each time you play with the soil you feel connected with nature and you find inner peace. Or perhaps, you’ve been through challenging situations and you were addicted to alcohol, but you’ve found your way out of there and can inspire others now.
Anything that makes you the person you’re today is worth sharing.
I don’t suggest that we should dwell in a poor-me story. But I say that when you share your lessons with others, you contribute to a better world. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than one person sharing with another. If many people would do it then sooner or later, we all create a more loving world.
How to own your story?
1. Be honest and authentic with yourself
The first step to own your story is, to be honest with yourself. This sounds simple, but I can see most people struggling with this first step.
The first person you have to share your story with is you.
You’d be surprised how many people have never admitted to themselves what they honestly feel, want, think, and they definitely haven’t accepted their past.
We all tend to ignore specific topics and situations. Because some experiences (or conversations) may be too painful and we don’t want to go into that space. Unconsciously, we avoid going into pain because we know that it’d change and transform us in one way or another.
Thus without realizing it, we lie to ourselves.
A typical example can be that you’re at your job out of fear of not being able to pay your bills or because what you do sounds prestigious. When in fact, you’d love to do something completely different. In order to cope with your current situation (being in a job which is less than satisfactory) you unconsciously bury your dreams and do your best to live your adult life the way you “should.”
So the first step is to become honest with yourself about who you’re, what you want, and what you feel. When you become authentic, your story becomes powerful.
But first, you have to become comfortable with owning your story. To give you an example, when I started my business as a life coach and writer, I didn’t tell my friends and family about it for 2 years! I needed that time to gain confidence and to own my story fully before sharing it with the closest ones.
Let’s face it, the closest people in your life will test you until you own your story completely. It’s not personal, although it seems to be. Unconsciously, they help you to stand up for yourself and for what you do. Since I knew it, I didn’t want to put myself in such a position and decided to put all my energy into creating the life I wanted instead.
Other words, take your time to own your story first and then when you feel ready, start sharing it with others.
2. Share it with ONE person
The step two is to find one person you feel comfortable with and know that you can trust them. Just one person. Share your story as honestly as you can with them. If you do that you’ll see that it helps you to feel more confident with your story.
Your words don’t need to be perfect, and surely you don’t need to practice sharing your story. What matter is that you have an open heart when you speak.
It’s the energy behind your words that have the power to heal. Not the words you carefully pick.
Actually, the rawer your sharing is, the better. Because then your energy inspires others. Whenever I share my story, it’s different because I don’t practice saying it in a specific way. And thus it has the power to transform others. So don’t worry, we don’t look for perfection but authenticity.
Sharing is healing, and that’s why I ask my new subscribers in one of the welcoming emails to share their story with me. And many do share their stories which is an amazing gift and a miracle to me. Often their stories move me deeply, and I love to reply to them all.
But what is more important is that this one simple thing – to share their story with me – helps them to own their story.
Many amazing members of my tribe have told me that they’ve never shared their story with anyone yet. And that it’s a relief. You see, it’s simple, yet it puts us into a vulnerable space, so it takes time before we get confident with it.
3. Share it with others
When you feel ready, you can share your story with others. It doesn’t mean that you’ll share it with everyone you meet (although you can). But you share with those people you feel a resonance with.
To recognize who needs to hear your message is a matter of intuition. Perhaps you click with someone, and it’s clear that they’d love to hear your story. Or your inner voice will keep telling you to open up with someone you just met more.
I often hear the voice to start a conversation with a stranger, so I go and do it, and then we both find out that there was a deeper meaning for both of us. They may have needed to hear my story, or I needed to listen to theirs.
The rule is that you shouldn’t force your story on everyone, but you can listen to your inner voice which guides you to the right people at the right time.
Your life is your message to the world.
P.S. You can read my story in my memoir, Find Yourself: Go the Distance to Discover Your Meaning.