How many times have you asked someone else to decide things for you? It’s not always easy to trust yourself to make the right decision. Especially, when it matters.
I’ve asked for opinions of others countless times which has given me the opportunity to realize that seeking the advice of someone else and based crucial decisions on that isn’t always the smartest choice. In fact, it rarely is.
Sure, outsourcing the decision-making process to someone close to you is much more comfortable. You don’t need to dig deep within yourself and take responsibility for the outcome.
But it also creates much more tension and resistance in your life than it might be visible at first glance.
Thus, I want to inspire you to step more into your power and become the potent force behind your life so you won’t regret that you might have wasted time doing things which haven’t reflected the true you.
Why does making your decisions matter?
There are many reasons why making your decision matters. But the single most important one is that it’s your life.
The meaning of life is to live it in a way that reflects your deepest values, your heart, and soul. It’s about embodying the beautiful and unique essence that only you can feel in your heart.
No one else can do it for you.
In every single moment, you’re the creator of your life. You either play the active particle, or you outsource your life to someone else’s hands.
But in both cases, you’re the designer of the quality of your experiences.
There is no one else in the entire world who would feel and think exactly as you do. No one else has same life experiences as you do.
Therefore, there is no one more eligible to make decisions for you than yourself.
Every person you seek advice from can only tell you what’s best for you based on their life experiences and perspectives.
Although their point of view can help you to gain a better perspective on things, at the end of the day, it’s you who have to filter their advice through your heart and experiences. You know the background behind everything you do better than anyone else.
Trusting yourself to make the right decision is vital
1. What is the direction of your life?
I don’t know worse feeling than regretting that I haven’t done something that mattered to me.
It can seem innocent to base your decisions on others, but without noticing at first, you’re slowly missing out on life.
The exact point in life where you’re now is a result of endless small (or bigger) decisions. You’d have been somewhere else if you’d made other decisions.
Thus, if you make it temporarily easier for yourself by doing what your family, friends, or spouse want, you move to another life trajectory little by little.
And maybe at some point, it can be too late for certain things because somewhere on the way you’ve not been actively participating in the direction of your life.
2. Hidden anger
I don’t believe that people who don’t make their decisions can be truly happy. I’ve been there myself and see it with many of my clients too.
In fact, asking others to decide for you – be it a movie you see, the country to visit, or how you spend the weekend – becomes a habit easily. Before you know it, you consult more of your choices with people you trust.
It can go so far that your spouse has the upper hand in the relationship in most of the cases. Even if you may not realize that it’s not the best choice to let others choose for you, unconsciously you become upset with yourself.
At some level, you recognize that you live your life from a very safe place which might not make you feel happy.
I’ve coached many great people who have had incredible ideas and affection for life, but they have been afraid to execute them because of the opinion of others. Or because they have lacked trust in their choices.
Every single of them has kept suppressed anger towards themselves for not fighting more and stepping up. In this case, hidden anger is a common result of not making your decisions, but it’s not the most fabulous place to live your life from.
We can gradually build up our confidence when we start making own choices. The feeling when you honor your dreams and keep the promises to yourself is invaluable.
Because when you can count on yourself, the positive side-effect is that your self-esteem and confidence increases.
On the other hand, it’s difficult to have a healthy self-confidence when you don’t trust yourself with making the right decision. Confidence is built on knowing who you’re and being able to make the best choices for you from that place.
So if you struggle with low self-confidence, you may consider starting making more decisions without outsourcing them to others. You can always start with something easy – like what kind of restaurant you want to go to and then continue with more significant decisions.
Remember that both cases – always seeking advice or making own decisions – are just habits. You get better at making own decisions and trusting yourself when you practice it enough.
4. Resentment in relationship
In the long run, no relationship can cope with the burden of excessive responsibility well. No matter whether it’s your spouse who has the final word, or your friend, it always impacts the quality of your relationship.
In romantic relationships, letting the other one make most of the decisions creates deep-seated resentment. If it’s you who excessively seek advice, then you get upset or disappointed when your partner doesn’t want to tell you what you should be doing. Thus you create unhealthy expectations.
Or if their opinion is too far from yours, you may get upset with them.
On the other hand, if you’re the one making most of the decisions, you feel responsible for the happiness of the other person. If they’re unhappy with the choice you’ve made for them, you feel bad about it.
In either case, it leads to inequality in your partnership, and I dare to say that whenever there is inequality, people aren’t genuinely happy. We all want to feel inner freedom and be treated with respect.
In the case of letting the partner choose for you, you may feel like less than them which creates countless other issues which negatively affect your connection.
5. Stepping into your power
Stepping into your power means that you’re working consciously with your talents, dreams, desires, and you’re a conscious creator of your life.
If you live in this space, you feel like the sky is the limit. You can also contribute positively to the life of others because you learn to manage well your energy and inner power.
Learn how to step into your power is a process which takes time. But it always begins with taking responsibility for your decisions and acting on what matters to you.
Remember that trusting yourself with making the right decision is a matter of practice. You will trust yourself more, the more you choose for yourself and see how it makes you feel. After all, even a wrong decision is nothing else but a learning curve.