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hold yourself back

5 Common Ways You Hold Yourself Back

Are you one of those people who hold themselves back in life? If so, you aren’t alone. In fact, most of us are doing that. We spend living lives thinking that this isn’t it. Like there is something much better coming someday. We believe that one day everything will magically turn for the better and then, only then, we’ll finally start living fully.

How do you hold yourself back?

By resisting what is, we make sure that we subconsciously sabotage ourselves. Secretly waiting for something better to come around make us live an average life. We sink deeper into wishful thinking, complaining, and blaming others instead of acting on our goals.

When we wait for things to turn out better by themselves – living like life happens TO us instead of FOR us – we inevitably ignore opportunities at present. We also become blind to our intuition and gut feelings when something is off.

The way of thinking that someone will solve our problems hold ourselves back in life. This idea offers us an ever-present backdoor to the land of someday.

When we wait for the challenges to solve themselves up, we give ourselves an excuse to not engage fully in the present moment. We wait for a salary increase, for an ideal partner, for a better economic situation, bigger house, for children to grow up, for taking a long holiday one day.

Thus we create many excuses why we don’t have to show up fully for ourselves now. There is always some reason why we hold ourselves back.

But what if is it YOU who is holding yourself back?


“We are on this planet but once, and to spend it holding back our gushing appreciation of the things that light us up is a shameful waste.”

-Jen Sincero

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The vicious circle of giving up

When we want something really bad, but we believe that we cannot have it, some of us tend to withdraw from the situation (or person). We think that what we want can’t happen because of XYZ, and therefore, we hold ourselves back.

We don’t immerse ourselves entirely in daily situations. Instead, our mind is always working against us, offering us the reasons why we can’t achieve our goals. This creates a conflict between the heart and mind and many of us choose to listen to the mind.

The mind tells us that we can’t have what we want because we don’t have enough money, we aren’t as good as Tim, or that our partner doesn’t love us. Little by little, all these thoughts undermine our confidence, and we sabotage our dreams in one way or another.


When you think that you can’t achieve something, then you withdraw from the situation. As a result, you’ll not reach it or at least not the full extent of what you desired.


Giving up is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you hold yourself back, you can be almost sure that the result that you want won’t come. Or at least not to such a degree that you’d like to.


By holding yourself back, the Universe cannot fully support you either.


The 5 common ways of holding yourself back


1. You withdraw from relationships

Being fully present in the relationship means that you clearly communicate what you want and you also listen to what your partner wants. Honesty and transparency are the backbones for you two.


You know that you’re responsible for yourself so you don’t wait for your partner to save you.


Holding yourself back in relationships look like that you withdraw when there is a misunderstanding or when your partner doesn’t read your mind. You get distant and sad. You’re afraid to be vulnerable and allow your partner to get to know you truly. Instead, you hold many of your feelings for yourself because you’re scared to get hurt.

This is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and your relationship doesn’t blossom because you’re not entirely present and vulnerable with your partner.


2. You let others discourage you from your dreams

When you show up fully for your goals, you allow yourself to do your best to make them happen. You recognize the fact that everyone has a different life calling and therefore you don’t wait to get permission from anyone to follow yours.

On the other hand, if you hold yourself back, you allow others to talk you away from your dreams. You let their own fears to infiltrate your mind, and you begin to think that it’s impossible for you to create what you want.


Whenever we act from the state of fear or worry, we unconsciously predetermine the result of a (partial) failure.


Then it looks like that those around you were right, but it was your acceptance of their fearful thoughts to energetically influence the result in a different direction than you’ve wanted. 


3. You ignore your finances

Money is another form of energy. We hold ourselves back when we ignore our finances.

When you ignore money, you don’t know how much money you exactly have, or you don’t pay invoices and bills in time. Thus you can’t expect money flowing in freely.

I like to think about the money as of a romantic partner. Do you think that your partner would like to be in your presence if you would treat him the same way you manage your money?


5. You don’t stand up for yourself

Do you speak your truth, especially when it needs to be said out loud?

When someone doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, you should always address that person. Even if it’s uncomfortable. You set your standards and show people how they should treat you. Others will not respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

Are you always there for yourself?

Are you showing up for your life as you mean it?

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