You don’t need to apologize when someone is manipulating and waiting for your apology for not satisfying your expectations. Being able to admit our mistakes and say the words, I’m sorry, have the power to transform any situation into compassion and love. Although we should be able to say them and accept them when it’s appropriate, we should also recognize situations when we don’t need to apologize.
Like for many other women, it’s also easy for me to say I’m sorry. Sometimes, maybe, too easy. But there are moments when apologizing can devaluate yourself. These three words can work magic if we mean them and if we’ve done wrong, but when this is not the case, they can be harmful. For the other person and us.
It’s the intention behind what we say or do that is crucial. When we say these words too easily and too rapidly, we show the other person that they can do what they want, and there is no one to offend them.
Being right or wrong is very relative. Everyone has their own imperfect perceptions and different experiences that have formed them. What is wrong for one person can be fine for another, and vice versa. Therefore the best way is, to be honest with yourself about your intentions and bring integrity to your actions and words.
In situations when someone wants to manipulate you and “punish” you for not obeying their rules, it isn’t wise to withdraw and say that you’re sorry because it only gives them more reasons to continue.
In these 4 situations, you don’t need to apologize
1. When you’ve acted up to your conscience.
Making mistakes is human, and they can grow us more than anything else. The best we can do is to do what we honestly believe is the best thing to do. No one can expect more from us.
If someone judges you for doing the best you could then it’s myopic.
If this is the case, the person judging you acts like an omniscient god who knows what is the best and whom you could disappoint by doing your best. I believe that this is one of these moments when you shouldn’t apologize for making them silent. Stand in your truth and stand for what you believe is the right thing.
2. When people try to manipulate you to do what they want.
A couple of times, it has happened that someone had expectations of me doing what was the best for them without telling me. They wanted me to manipulate the third person to make them do what the best for them was. Well, of course, I didn’t do it.
I do what I believe is the best thing to do, and manipulation isn’t one of them. Then these manipulators got upset with me for not doing what they wanted me to do, reasoning with words as if I owe them something. All this owning part was just made up in their mind.
It’s narrow-minded to try to buy people with fake promises and deeds, or money, to make them feel obliged to you. These dynamics can never work out. At the end of the day, it’s the manipulator losing his grip and destroying himself with the very same energy that he wanted to impose on others.
When you upset someone for not doing what they wanted you to do, and they reason with things like you’ve acted selfishly, then ask them what is more selfish, whether to manipulate people to do what they expect or to do what you believe is the right thing.
3. Don’t apologize for being a visionary.
People with a bigger vision than others easily upset people by being too positive or visionary. If you’re one of them, then do not apologize for your visions and for your effort to improve things.
The world desperately needs more visionaries and positive people.
It seems that negativity doesn’t solve why people feel sad, empty, or angry. It doesn’t help them to live the lives they want; therefore, know that even if you upset someone, you still bring your light to way more people.
Most people attack or excuse others because of their fears and inner struggles. By doing so, they show how hurt they’re and what they believe about themselves to be true. You can be compassionate with them, but don’t let them dull your spark.
4. When you’re aligned with your inner self.
It’s mastery to bring into alignment your mind and heart – and it’s also the most rewarding and best feeling thing you can do. When you discover who you’re and then align with that wisdom, there will be people who will feel offended.
They want you to be just like them and stay the same. Only then you’re easy to read and control. Don’t apologize when you offend these people, on the contrary; celebrate for being your true self.
When you have someone in your life who constantly wants to be “the dictator.” If you have a family member or a friend who is quick to judge others harshly, then maybe it’s them who should apologize. It doesn’t work to fall back because then they’ll continue. What you might consider doing instead is to say that you don’t need them to judge you, and you can make your decisions, and if you need their advice, you’ll ask for it, but until then, you don’t appreciate it.