Subconscious patterns govern our decisions more than anything else. They make the difference between living our lives as we wish or feeling dragged by the circumstances. Cracking the code of patterns brings us the freedom to choose how we want to spend our lives. But it’s not easy to find a way how to break free from your patterns.
What are the subconscious patterns?
Subconscious patterns are learned behavioral blueprints that we inherit from our ancestors, family, friends. They have also been shaped by the moments when we first experienced a broken heart or classmates back in school. All the information that has been passed onto us is downloaded to our subconscious mind.
In other words, a pattern is our subconscious mind playing out our fears in a loop. The hidden reason is that it wants us to heal old patterns and wounds and protect us from possible danger.
This subconscious blueprint sets us up for success or failure in life.
During my life coaching practice, I spend a great deal of time with clients working on their subconscious patterns as the patterns carry the answers pretty much to anything that is happening in our lives. From the smallest things, like why we crave for a bar of chocolate in the midst of a challenging situation, to the bigger things, like why we don’t travel the world and instead settle down in an average job.
The importance to break free from your patterns
Ever since I have learned about the patterns, I’ve known that I found my secret ticket to creating a life that I desire. Not the life that I was predestined to experience based on my culture and family beliefs, but by the life my conscious chooses and designs.
The more patterns I let go of, the more I became aware of what real freedom is. Living more consciously allows me to pause before making a decision and choose for myself. Not choose based on my conditioning. Therefore, it inevitably brings freedom to let go of the conditioning and do what we want.
Recognizing our subconscious patterns feels like looking at the same situation through entirely different lenses. I can see life in brighter colors and often in colors that I had no idea existed.
When subconscious patterns drive our choices, we’re unaware of them in most cases since recognizing them breaks the lousy spell they have over us. We think that it’s okay to experience life the way we do – driven by fears.
For instance, if you’d like to study art, but instead, you choose to study business because your parents have conditioned you to believe that you wouldn’t make a living by doing crafts.
In this case, choosing a business isn’t our own belief in what we want. It creates an inner conflict within us – heart vs. the mind. On one side of the equation is what we want; on the other side, it is the conditioned belief that what we want is wrong.
Now, what do we choose?
This inner conflict creates suffering that we usually solve by burying our desires, and we choose to go with the logical side. We numb and suppress uncomfortable feelings that are related to re-experiencing similar painful situations.
Yet when we don’t heal our patterns (our dysfunctional blueprint), we keep repeating the same wrong choices repeatedly. We might choose a partner who has similar negative traits as the previous one. Or we change one job for another, yet never feel satisfied. We might argue with a family member each time we meet them. Or eat something sweet whenever we can and feel powerless to change it.
Instead of looking at our life as an outsider and assess what behaviors support us and serve us, we close our eyes and hope this will be different. It’s easy to see your best friend repeating the same melodrama with men, yet it’s more difficult to be honest with yourself to understand why your relationships end the same way. That is why patterns have such a significant power over us. We’re unconscious of most of them, and thus we don’t break free from patterns.
Some of the common patterns
1. Arriving always late
For some people (I used to be one of them), it seems almost impossible to get somewhere on time. It doesn’t matter if they have a free afternoon with only one thing scheduled. They always make sure to arrive late.
The reasons are different in each case, yet one thing they have in common is that they believe it’s not their fault for being late. This, too, is an unconscious way of self-sabotage.
2. There are no good men (women) out there
Some people justify why they haven’t met Mr. Right by saying that all the good men or women are already in a relationship. Therefore, they must take what is left, so to speak.
This is also why they settle down with the wrong man because they feel it’s too late, and they want to have a family. Yet the way we see potential partners is influenced by what we were trained to believe about them.
The truth is that they’re both good and not-so-suitable partners. But when we allow the pattern to run our decisions, we put a veil over our perception. And thus become selectively blind to those who are perfect for us.
3. I don’t have time
This is a widespread pattern. Yes, I consider it to be a pattern because people who complain the most about the lack of time are the ones who get up later, they spend time on social media, watching TV, or they spend time gossiping about others and complaining about their schedule. This, like any other self-sabotaging behavior, is a pattern too.
4. The “I can’t make it” pattern
The lack of healthy self-trust is the most common reason why people don’t change something in their lives. Perhaps, they’ve heard way too often that they aren’t good enough, smart enough, or that they have to become realistic and be like others.
Although I don’t know you, I know one important thing about you; you can make anything you dream of happening.
It’s within your power because, just like a lioness is fighting for her lion cub, I know that you can fight for your own life and dreams if you believe that you can. All it takes is a bit more hope and trust combined with an aligned action, and then miracles happen. You come closer to living your life purpose.
4. The ‘’I have to be better, slimmer, more interesting” pattern
Some of you might have been judged and rejected so many times that you gave up on yourself. Comparing ourselves to others has become so familiar that we all forget to share from our hearts and be honest about who we are, what we fear, and what we hope for. By trying to be better, or even perfect, we disown our unique essence and trade it for what we think is worth pursuing. But it is not.
At first glance, it may seem that we have some behavioral patterns and that we’ve been born this way. But this is very far from the truth. As long as we feel that we’re victims of circumstances or that something isn’t within our power to change it, we allow the patterns to govern our lives.
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