When I was in my early twenties, I didn’t know how to make right decision. Especially when my decision included other people. If it were up to me where we would go for a trip, I needed to be sure that I chose what others wanted rather than what I did.
That way, I assumed, no one could be upset or then blamed for making the wrong choice. The fear of disappointing others drove my decisions.
Before I deliberately cut off people who didn’t resonate with me, I was surrounded by very opinionated people who would always tell me that it was okay to do what I wanted. But then they were upset if I didn’t end up doing what they wanted me to do.
Thus I used to change my decisions back and forth so I made sure that I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. Many years ago, it occurred to me that I’ve actually always known what I wanted, but I was scared to go against the opinions of others.
Why is it difficult to know how to make right decision?
Not knowing what we want isn’t the problem. The problem comes when we bury that knowing within to rather please others by what they want us to do. We can be influenced by opinions of others of what is “right” to do in such a profound way that we internalized these opinions and think these are ours. We always know what we want.
It’s like going to school for many years and then going to study at the university, even if we wouldn’t need it because we could start own business right away. We’re surrounded by people who keep telling us that studying at university is a necessity, not a choice (at least in Europe). Thus we don’t act on what our inner guidance is telling us and go to university out of fear of making a wrong decision.
Or we have friends who want a lot of our time and attention. Each time when we say that we don’t have time to meet them in a pub (or another place, we don’t enjoy), they pull out their persuasive tactics. So we begin to think that not being there for our friends when they need us is bad.
While forgetting that not being there for ourselves is even worse.
Since we were born, we’ve heard so much about what behaviors make our parents, friends, and romantic partners happy or not. We’ve heard a lot about how the right way of living looks like – including university, great career at some big corporation, buying a house, getting married, and having children.
We might not be aware of this conditioning, but it’s present in our minds all the time.
The way how to break this is to become aware of the fact that not all of our thoughts belong to us. They also belong to our family members, ex-classmates and teacher, and also random people who told us something that deeply affected us.
Thus, it’s no surprise that it’s so difficult to make decisions because we have first to face all these unconscious beliefs that we bought from others.
Decision making can be easy
Nevertheless, there are ways how we can return to our inner truth and know what is right. FOR US. The key is to get out of your head – specifically out of your rational mind.
Our logic mind loves to over-analyze everything by comparing pros and cons based on past information. It analyzes what has or hasn’t worked and also what others have taught us. Yet it doesn’t know what will come based on the new decision we make.
The mind can’t foresee new possibilities which have nothing to do with our past.
When we make new decisions, it can open completely different possibilities in our lives. Something that may go against what others have told us is right.
When making decisions, we can connect with our intuitive side and feel what is the right decisions for us.
How to make right decision intuitively?
By listening to the sensations which you get while doing decision-making. When you make a decision, follow the feelings in your body. When the thing you’re deciding about enriches your life and is the best thing to do when you feel lighter in your body. I experience this sensation in my chest, but you might feel it elsewhere.
If some choice is good for us then it feels expansive, at ease, and spacious. We feel lighter and happier while thinking about this choice.
On the contrary, if it’s something that is not meant for us, then we feel heavy, confined, and gloomy. Our inner light goes off.
You can run a small experiment for yourself and think about some decision that is obviously bad for you and then follow the sensations in your body. Then think about your secret dream and see how you feel.
This little exercise requires just a little bit of practice, and you can become aware of it instantly.
I ask myself simply: “What feels the best for me?” and then I always get the best decision on my mind instantly.
You can use it for small things like which food makes you feel the best or which clothes to a more difficult decision.
Since I’ve started doing this process, I’ve never regretted. If I rarely hurry into making some decision and don’t allow myself a few seconds to observe what feels the best, then I usually don’t make the best decision.
Another great aspect of how to make the right decision is to learn trust your choice and yourself. You can read more about it here.