Sheryl, a client of mine, is a typical Scorpio. She’s been married for a decade now, and her marriage isn’t working. She felt unhappy and separated from her husband, “like there would be an invisible wall between them.”
She explained to me everything about what her husband is doing wrong and how unhappy she is. Sheryl feels deeply hurt inside, and her marriage is more like an institution than a union of two people who love each other.
She blames her husband for being too insensitive to her and for not paying her enough attention, and she wants to prove to him that what he does is wrong.
So she tries to make him jealous by trying to attract the attention of other men. She also began replying to his questions sharply and not lovingly to show him that she also doesn’t care.
Sheryl has decided to act like an ice queen, so she doesn’t need to show him her real feelings. Yet what she got back is the very opposite. Her husband is spending less time home, where he feels judged and misunderstood. He stopped taking Sheryl seriously and tells her that she’s so moody.
Their marriage is breaking apart, and both of them want to be right. Yet is any of them happy? No.
What both of them need is more love and genuine attention so they can rebuild their bond. But neither of them is willing to try, and they’re getting more distant day by day.
In this example, I wanted to show you what the need to be right creates in relationships.
If we rather be right than happy, then we also have to put on a mask pretending we don’t have feelings. We have to act cool, or the castle built on sand would collapse.
How many years Sheryl and her husband have spent in stupid games trying to prove each other wrong? It doesn’t serve anyone.
Behind the effort to be always right is a fear of not being good enough. If we’d known our value, we wouldn’t spend any energy on proving anything.
Do you want to be right or happy?
If you would like to be rather happy than right, here are a few tips for you:
1. Happiness is a choice
You can choose to be happy by willing to see different possibilities. There is really nothing mysterious behind the smile of happy people.
They know what their priority is and choose to let go of small things to change the state of their mind. Happiness comes from the mind, which understands that fears are not worth pursuing.
There is no magical pill. You decide to see others with the eyes of love instead of ego.
2. Daily devotion to forgive others
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what someone has done was right. It only means that you set yourself free from the negative thoughts you thought about them. You give yourself freedom, and you release a lot of mental space for things that matter.
You can choose to forgive your closest ones daily and keep your heart pure.
3. Understand your part of the equation
As in the example with Sheryl, you need to understand your part of the responsibility.
Sheryl was also driving her husband crazy, just like he was driving crazy her. So who is there to blame?
Yes, we can argue forever who has started but does it matter? It won’t make anyone happier. Every relationship is a synergy of energies that go all directions. Everything is interconnected.
So which one do you choose – happiness or being right?