Stop saving others to save yourself. Don’t become a shadow creator of your life and do the things you want directly.
Do you know this feeling when you feel obliged to someone so much that you want to save them even if it goes against yourself?
Or when your dream is to move to another state, but you feel like you cannot do it because of your parents, friends, or siblings who need you?
When we feel responsible for those around us, we put our lives on hold.
I’m not talking about situations when someone is in need, and you can and even want to help them.
But, I mean when you have a deeply hidden feeling of guilt inside for not saving and fixing someone’s life.
You might have a friend or family member who is struggling in some life area. You’re discussing their issues over again. They might fight in relationships and keep going from one disappointment to another.
Or, they can have still the same money or job issue. You keep solving the same problem without any result. Still, you can’t let them solve it on their own.
It feels like some invisible string would be between you two bonding you in all the painful things and dramas.
Perhaps, the person you want to fix is your partner. You want him to change some habits or help feeling better. (It this is the case, read this article).
The reason behind all efforts to fix someone’s life is a secret desire to help ourselves.
Instead of doing the desired things directly, we become shadow creators. Instead of helping ourselves to heal some habit and create positive changes, we direct all our energy to others.
We desperately try to help people with the same problems as we have.
An example of shadow creating is when you’re supporting and uplifting someone in starting their business while you secretly dream about doing the same. But you allow your fears to stop you.
In this case, the subconscious mind believes that if you help someone else, you will be saved, too.
Stop saving others to save yourself
1. Don’t fix people who aren’t ready for it.
This is a harsh lesson that I learned a couple of years ago and which resulted in what I do now. I stopped saving others, and thus I created more capacity for changing my life.
We can never fix or help anyone who is not ready for it. If someone doesn’t ask you specifically for help, then you can waste as much energy on them as you wish, but there will be no results.
Each of us has a different life trajectory and lessons to be learned. There is no way how you can force change on someone who isn’t ready for it.
2. Save yourself instead.
If you try to fix others secretly, redirect the energy back to yourself. Don’t be a shadow creator. Do the things you want for yourself first.
In this way, you’ll become a deeply fulfilled person who can then effortlessly help others. There is a big difference between trying to fix someone and being whole and sharing your greatness with others.
It’s your light that heals. Not your efforts. True healing, indeed, feels effortless.
3. Get rid of guilt.
There is no need to feel guilty if you can’t help someone. They’re simply not ready. Each of us has a unique path to learning and growth.
There is no way how we can objectively assess whether someone is doing wrong or not. Maybe they still need some lessons before they can finally change. Our human perspective is too limited to see the bigger picture.
Therefore, you don’t need to feel guilty. The feeling of guilt is one of the tricks of the fear-based mind which wants to keep us safe by controlling our perception of the world.