Among many things I’d tell my younger self, there are 7 life-changing things I wish I had realized earlier.
Growing up is not easy. Not everyone has the perfect family and support. On top of that, we are bombarded by endless opportunities, a lot of stress, and high expectations. Plus we feel like we have to make everything happen preferably YESTERDAY.
When it comes to carriers or relationships, we feel like we should keep up with 40 or 50-something. The kinds of relationships that we get involved during the defining decade (20-something) are crucial as they likely predetermine the course of our future lives.
It’s very common to jump from a relationship into another and being afraid of the real commitments and connection. Or, on the contrary, they are some folks who spend a big part of their 20-something in a long nonfunctional relationship trying hard to make it work.
Either way, they end up with broken hearts, low self-worth, or panic afraid of committing to someone they love.
7 Life-Changing things I’d tell my younger self about love
1. Each relationship is an assignment
Each relationship teaches you about aspects of yourself that you need to heal. There will be many relationships to guide you to find your voice, worth, or life path the hard way.
Be ready to learn and grow from relationships and don’t take yourself down because of that. It doesn’t mean staying with someone abusive; it only means to see the greater picture.
2. Self-love comes first
You cannot love anyone (unconditionally) before you love yourself. Or at least, until you are on a quest to self-love.
If you feel like you are missing something inside, you’ll keep looking for love in all the wrong places. There is entirely no one outside who could fill your void. There never will be and never have been.
Just accept this fact and use the valuable time and energy that you have to heal yourself first.
3. Don’t let them push you down
You’ll meet partners who will push you down, criticize you, judge you, and manipulate you. There will be times when you’ll believe them when they say that you’re unworthy. It corresponds with self-love. Actually, you’re seeking for love for yourself in every encounter.
4. Learn to set your boundaries
Don’t say yes, maybe, or it‘s okay when you want to say no. Set your boundaries firmly and lovingly.
Say clearly what your standards are and don’t compromise on them. The relationship shouldn’t be about making you feel bad about yourself.
On the contrary, when you feel good, you extend the happy and loving part of yourself and share it with someone else. The worst mistake is to betray yourself. Keep it in mind, and it will carry you through any hard decision.
5. Take time for yourself
Get to know yourself better. Don’t jump into another relationship in order not to feel alone or empty. These are wrong reasons for any choice.
Be alone as long as you need, so you know what kind of person you are, what you want, and what your standards are.
Be clear about what kind of life you want to have. You have to know who you are so you stayed balanced and grounded even in the worse storm.
Find yourself first before merging with someone else, or it will not last.
6. Respect. Acceptance. Genuine interest.
These are essential ingredients to make a relationship work.
Don’t ever think that you can change the other person. Take them or leave them. Simple as that.
To have a great relationship, you have to respect and accept the other person exactly as he or she is.
It means no judgment, no manipulation, and no control.
Having a genuine interest and respect is what can heal anyone and make you two even stronger. Sadly, most of the people try to change or manipulate someone and then wondering why they’re unhappy. They choose to live with their illusions instead of the real person who is standing next to them.
This doesn’t mean that people don’t change. They do. But you can’t push them and manipulate them into a change.
7. No need for arguments.
Arguments aren’t necessary the moment you understand where all the issues come from.
Each time when you have some problem, stop before opening your mouth. In 100% of cases, the other person isn’t the problem.
They only bring up to the surface dysfunctional traits that you have within yourself. That’s it. Understand the fact that others are only your mirrors and work on yourself instead of blaming the other person.
You’ll save a lot of time and make change where it’s actually worth it.