Do you also wish your reality to be different? I used to live a life that was making me feel like I was dead while alive. And, I was resisting it, trying to ignore my feelings and thoughts. It felt difficult to change it that I rather chose to ignore the life the way it was.
Often, I seemed to struggle with reality. Sometimes, I wished everything to be nicer and different. Sometimes, I wanted to make everyone happy and content, so I refused my feelings and pain. Sometimes, I wanted to be perfect already at what I was doing and run away from the past. Yet, denying reality made me sadder, emptier and less grounded.
At one point when everything started to be very intense, I decided to accept it. I didn’t have any strength to fight against the reality anymore, so I chose to accept people being annoyed, the closest people not showing up for me and things not working out.
It gave me freedom and inner peace more than anything else. Sometimes we carry our past with us as if it would be our best friend. But when we just accept what has happened (or not) and the way we feel about it, we become strong in empowering way.
I found 5 things that have helped me in my old notes and decided to share them with you. I hope they can help you and inspire you the way they did for me.
My biggest lesson was that; the acceptance of the now is one of the most transformation tools.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
My 5 top tips on how to accept life the way it is
1. Accept your feelings and past
Until we accept our feelings and past, it will never stop haunting us. And we bring it to the present moment and thus create the same future as the past.
One day, after going for a massage I found myself in a weird place. I had the same feeling as many times before yet this time it was different. The feeling was telling me that it’s time to release the past. I mean completely everything that has happened and also the people who have been part of it.
Then this realization was washing off all the layers that I was still holding onto. And I was surrendering, crying, accepting. In the end, I felt clarity and peace at a new level. And it has been like that ever since. This moment has shown me that we can accept the past. It’s within our power. And the moment we do it, we’re like newborn.
2. Responsibility and presence
Acceptance goes hand in hand with responsibility and being present. I chose to accept whatever was happening and whatever I felt. I didn’t want to change or run away from it.
This decision brought me peace, and I gained a new perspective. I told myself that I am ok with whatever will happen and I take absolute responsibility for my past choices. At that moment, I gained certainty that everything will be good. I was ready to face everything and deal with outcomes as they come into my life – not trying to make them nicer or different.
3. Accepting reality means accepting yourself
After I had stopped fighting, I realized that I didn’t want to face my decisions because I didn’t want to accept my emotions. Like everyone else, so did I go through difficult times, in which I chose to shut down since the pain seemed to be unbearable.
Everything that followed after I was 5-year-old was only the same situation happening with different people again to make me accept the deep sorrow. Although I faced lots of pain, I never accepted it fully. Unconsciously, I judged my feelings as inappropriate, and I judged myself for running away from what happened.
When you accept everything, there is no reason for the past to happen again.
4. Everyone has the right to feel low
When someone was unhappy, I immediately felt responsible for their feelings and was trying to figure out how to change them. The truth is that everyone can feel whatever they want.
If I fight with friend’s emotions, I can’t accept them entirely, and this leads to creating isolation and guilt. I noticed that when I accept others feelings without a need to change, there is an immediate shift in their mood and everything starts to be better by itself.
5. There is nothing wrong
Many times, I was wondering why despite the inner growth, I didn’t feel great all the time. The answer was simple. I refused the path that brought me to the present moment.
I refused feelings that have opened my eyes and my heart. There has never been anything wrong with them. I didn’t have to change them, just accept them. I felt wrong because I wanted everything to be perfect offhand so I couldn’t see that it already was.