For most of us, it doesn’t come easily to build self-confidence that lasts. In fact, many of us don’t feel comfortable with who we are until an older age. Thus low self-confidence impacts many life areas and also drives our decisions.
It’s logical that with a low self-confidence, you don’t live your life to the fullest. You might question whether you can meet the love of your life and make it last. Whether you can travel the world or follow your passions.
But I think that it’s a shame to hold ourselves back and not to try. Since 2012, I’ve been living my life in a way that I wouldn’t have to regret anything. I’ve begun making my decisions in alignment with my heart and mind. And I want the same shift for you.
One of the best ways to start living your dreams is to figure out what your life purpose is and then build self-confidence in your ability to create what you desire.
The major roadblock to building self-confidence
Among many differences between men and women, there is one that strikes me the most. Men usually focus on themselves – on what they want. While women focus on others. This may look nice and sweet. We support and nourish others. But there is also a downside of focusing more on others.
As women, we perceive others as the source of our self-confidence and give them the power to decide for us. That’s why women lose themselves in the relationship easier than men and why men feel like they need to run away to have some space for their thoughts and life (which is, let’s face it, understandable).
I can see this behavior all around me. It’s the woman who dresses just to catch an attention of men – any men. Or the wife who doesn’t open her wings because she has to take care of the household. It’s the gifted young woman who wants to study arts but chooses not to because her parents don’t think it’s practical. The girlfriend who is jealous and insecure when her man talks to another woman.
We develop low self-confidence when we base how we feel and our value on others.
We’ve all been there at some point in life. Since being little, we’ve been rewarded when we’re nice, and we obey adults, teachers, and anyone else. If we don’t act as we “should” then immediately, we’re labeled as rebellious, ugly, stubborn, or selfish.
We don’t live our dreams because we worry to be called selfish
The word selfish is a potent weapon. If a mother tells her daughter that she is selfish when she wants money for taking piano lessons, then the girl who loves her mom stops dreaming about playing the piano. She feels wrong to have hobbies and follow her heart. Little by little, she ceases to create something beautiful in her life.
As she wants to win her mother’s approval and love back, she becomes empty inside. For she believes that her desires are wrong.
And this is the world we’re in. We’ve been taught to suppress our true selves so we better fit in. Women are wired differently than men. Our centerpiece of the universe our others. It’s others who hold a sword above our heads and hearts to decide our worth.
We’ve traded our happiness and wilderness for acceptance and approval.
How to build your self-confidence
Based on my own experience, there is one lasting and secure way out of the vicious circle. Focus on yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel regardless of anyone else. And don’t pay attention of the accusations of being selfish.
Selfish is when someone wants you to be as it best suits them. Thus the person accusing you of being selfish is very likely the selfish one. When you fill your cup first and you feel content and energized then you radiate your kindness and inner beauty on others.
Remember that shining your light heals others.
So when you feel insecure around other people, just stop thinking about them. Return your full attention to your body and feelings. Choose the way you want to feel at that moment. Pretend like they’re not there and if you ‘re going to take it a step further, bless them. Bless their kind heart, bless their inner beauty and you’ll become more loving.
If someone tells you what you should do and something deep inside is screaming; “No!” then remind yourself that you don’t have to do it.
You always have a choice. There is no need to let yourself be manipulated into any decision. Thank them for expressing their opinions but tell them firmly that it doesn’t resonate with you.
When you have an argument with your partner, remind yourself that you can choose to feel differently. You don’t have to spend your time this way. Perhaps you can take yourself to a coffee place and tell him that you can talk once you both cool down.
Other words, don’t let yourself be drawn into any situation where you don’t want to.
Trust me that with just a little bit of practice, you’ll feel the sense of self-confidence that no one can shake off. Because others aren’t your source of happiness anymore. You become your only source. And you can always choose the way you feel.
The key step to build self-confidence is to take your attention from others. Practice returning your attention on your dreams, the way you want to feel, and learn to find your balance when you start to doubt yourself.
Because when you believe in yourself and your goals, then you inspire others to do the same.
If you need more guidance, you can download a FREE printable 4-step guide to help you Build Your Self-Confidence and Self-Worth.